What to Do if Your Dude Can’t Get it Up

This is a question I get all the time. Women are frustrated because their partner, for one reason or another, can’t get an erection, but they don’t know how to approach the situation without making their partner feel bad. Both people in the situation are left feeling a little awkward, embarrassed, and guilty.

Maybe some of those emotions are unavoidable when broaching the subject of impotence and erectile dysfunction for the first time, but they can certainly be minimized.

Here are some tips:

1.    If you see that your guy is having trouble getting sexually aroused, try and switch modes, from sexual intercourse to other forms of intimacy. Ask your partner to roll over so you can give him a relaxing back massage, or ask for one yourself. If he feels like he wants to try again, let him initiate; otherwise, accept that tonight is just not that sort of night.
2.    Take that second or third or fourth drink away from him!
3.    Spice things up and turn him on in ways he’s only dreamed about. Consider role playing, s&m, or the use of props like mirrors, scarves, or tasty treats. Do a striptease, talk dirty, or engage in sex outside. It could be that your guy just needs a little boost (excuse the pun) in the right direction and that regular sex has gotten just a little stale.
4.    If the problem persists, have a conversation with your partner. Not in bed, after a failed attempt, but later, as you’re cuddling, or even out of the bedroom entirely. Show empathy and concern, and above all, let him know that you’re not judging him in any way. Encourage him to see a doctor, improve his diet, or consider taking an ED treatment like Viagra.
5.    Above all, stay calm! He’ll stress out more if he senses that you’re stressed out, and that will only make matters worse!